I am so tired and miserable, I don’t want to live. I feel like I am dead while I am breathing and every day is unbearable. I feel like all my friends hate me, or think I’m weird. I’m trying to be brave, but all the things I’m going for are falling apart. I feel so fake, I feel desperately alone and I feel like I have no emotion. I’m so hurt beyond what I can express so I bottle everything up inside. I hate depending on people, and I’m afraid someone will leave me alone. It tears me apart day after day. I feel like I am not loved, I reach out my hand only to be burned and scared so much. How can I believe someone?
I cry sometimes, I break down completely, but that’s not like me. Why am I crying that’s not like me. I either have no emotion or such raw emotion it hurts so much. I just wretch and cry until there is no strength left only to wake up and smile and be reminded of why I was there in the first place.
I don’t trust anyone, I can’t. how would you look upon me if you knew this? If you know this irreversible pain. I died then and I’m still dead. Cold hearts and raw pain corrodes my life as I lay in my grave still breathing. I cannot bear to look upon my own face for the shame I wear. Now even my physical self is falling apart and that was all I had left. You can tell me that it will heal but I am a victim of my own fears. Behind my defensive walls I am scared teenager with need of a hero. I cry out to God, and I hear his voice and feel comfort, but when will the everlasting comfort come?
I would die but even that lot is not worth the effort. I will live for the small joys that dwell for some time before they too vanish. And in the hope of the Lord, for I am sure of him and that the sufferings of the present times are not worth comparing with the joys that are to be revealed.
For those promises I strive and fight for another day, but I’m still afraid that I will live, myself in undesired solitude.
[This note was written by a friend of mine, I received permission to post it anonymously]
I hope it makes you think of those around you and how you can reach out and help everyone and anyone.
and/or it is an encouragement to you that it is worth the life, as this person concludes through God life is worth living.