How Porn Impacts My Life (Despite Never Viewing It)

A long time ago I posted my very first blog and spoke about relationships and promised to speak about pornography. Though I was a spitfire I soon realized every guy I would meet had struggled with porn (exaggerated but close). So it took me a little longer to talk than expected. But now almost four years later I am here to discuss how I feel about pornography and how it affects me.

I am confronted with the reality that it exists through the countless confessions of porn addiction not only from guys but also girls. Yet as a straight female, the revelation by other women has never affected me the same as the disclosures from guys. Because I cannot help but worry that the guy I’m with is cheating on me with porn and I have to think of a suitable response when a male friends admits that he is struggling to overcome fantasizing about me (yes this has happened multiple times). I am expected to come to terms with the fact that every guy who has ever told me he liked me also lusted over naked bodies of strangers.

But honestly I am tired of being an object. I am not willing to compete with the expectations that are placed upon my body and my sexuality. I want to have my wedding night be the first time my husband sees a woman have sex. I want to be all he expected me to be because he has nothing to compare me to. Just as I will have nothing to compare him to. But this is an unrealistic dream because pornography has seeped into the eyes and minds of almost every guy I will ever meet.

I am naive to believe that it will stop. I am innocent to expect my body to be treated with respect and novelty. I am to shut up and be okay with him looking at naked girls because ‘boys will be boys.’ I also should silently support him as he struggles with porn which I would gladly support him if ‘struggling’ didn’t more than often mean an excuse to not recover. I know it is an addiction and it is hard to conquer but frankly I believe that we go too easy on others and ourselves. If a person was addicted to drugs we wouldn’t idly sit by and let them slowly recover. So why do we do this with porn?

I know I am not an expert. I have never struggled with sexual sin but I’ve been hit by the wake that it causes. I have been followed, catcalled, and touched inappropriately because I am a girl and if it is okay to objectify women on screen then why not ‘real’ girls? This isn’t only about your habits and behaviours it is about our society, our humanity and our value of others.

I was fourteen the first time a price was put on my body and someone tried to pay me for sex. Five years later I can’t help but still replay what it felt like to have such little value. To be an item that could be bought. I never want another person to have that as one of their first ‘romantic proposals.’ To be indoctrinated that their body is not valued or beautiful. That they are not valued and beautiful and whether we want to think about it or not porn stars are people and they deserve better and yet we feed into their slavery. I want others to grow up with innocence and I want both men and women to have their first sexual experience with the love of their life not with a stranger whose separated by a screen. It seems naive to set aside ourselves for marriage after all God created us sexual beings didn’t he? He did. He created a way two people could be one in an intimacy that was beyond unique and special and yet we choose to spoil that.

I challenge everyone who reads this to stop, breath and pray before you open the computer or phone. Before you walk into the public place and before you have time to dwell on the thought that pops into your head. We are sexual and that is beautiful! It is wonderful and can be untainted if we guard ourselves and fight the battle well. Don’t hold onto your guilt and addiction. Be honest with yourself and open with others and be willing to change and let God move because He Will if you stop holding on to sin.

Girls and guys alike, don’t settle! We all struggle with sin and sometimes it is important to let people work out their struggles before a healthy relationship can begin. No matter how much you like them.

I hereby charge you to make a difference,

Myn K.

*Just for clarity, when I refer to ‘him’ it is a general him

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